Something has been weighing on my chest recently. It is something completely unrelated to the complexities of being a medical parent in particular, but something I feel like we can relate to as a whole. That is, for all my fellows moms or guardians.

Can we talk about how difficult it is to be solely responsible for the happiness of your child while trying to heal?

Man, this is a kind of struggle like no other.

In you exists all of these desires to curate magical moments for your child so that when they’re older, they can look back and reflect on the childhood they had. But what’s not acknowledged is that within that same capsule of memories were all the times you had to hide your tears from them, the times you had nothing to give, and yet you still tried to give them all you had, the times where you had to brush the broken pieces of everything that failed or broke along the way JUST so that they could experience these wholesome “happy” moments.

The irony of it all is that I believe this happens to moms a lot more than we would like to admit.

From time to time, I struggle with the idea that my identity, separate from all the hats I wear, has faded away or never gets the opportunity to exist in isolation. Wife, Mother, Caregiver, Daughter, Sister, etc. the list goes on and on. I am forever grateful for the role I play in these relationships, but is it wrong to feel the desire to want to also have the availability to nurture that sense of self separate from those titles?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. I think it’s safe to say that the idea of change is discomforting and some of us don’t navigate those changes as well as others. I for one am not at my best when change is occurring either around me or within me. But can you blame me? We are creatures of habit and comfort- seeking. While understanding these truths, i’ve recently decided to seek out ways to attend to that part of me that desires to be acknowledged and wishes to be seen.

I’d love to know in what ways you guys try to incorporate ideas of self love and if not, in what ways you’d like to begin doing so.

Comment below.