In the thick of our medical parent season, you know, when my daughter was connected to a feeding tube, a breathing machine and more monitors than I could count, I remember asking the Lord for something very specific. Of course I asked for healing above all else, but I added something a little selfish in there also. Something that maybe would’ve sounded pretty silly to an outsider who had no clue on what life looked or felt like for us at that moment.

I asked the Lord to allow me the oppurtunity to be able to enjoy a slice of pizza and some ice cream with my daughter.

Yeah, maybe my love for food runs deeper than I imagined. Lol.

On a serious note, I recently came to a realization that truthfully brought me to tears while I sat with my child at a local UNO pizzeria. As some of you may know, we are presently boasting in the Lords faithfulness for allowing Hannah to have a succesful decannulation. With that, she has expereinced an influx of milestones that at one point seemed so far from our reach. Everything from the way she socializes, eats, the list could go on. I found myself tearing up because while we were having lunch, the Lord reminded me of this very innocent request. For those of you who dont know, pizza and ice cream may just be one of Hannahs Top 3 favorite foods of all time. The connection between these two moments from a moment that once was and another that I am experiencing presently, humbled me qucikly.

See, once we were done with that chapter of our lives, I also asked the Lord to not allow me to bear the hurt in the same way it was felt when I was experiencing those things, but to also never let me forget from what he was able to sustain us through. It seems that after we’ve gone through anything traumatic, we seem to let go or forget the impact of His grace once things go back to normal. I never want to just seek the Lord in pain and discomfort. I didnt want to fall back into bad habits with something that has altered my life, my heart and my perspective in the way this season of our lives did.

Looking back at this moment, I really hope noone around us saw me crying because how awkward would that have been for them!

Anyways, I say all of this to encourage the mom and the woman who is going through a season where it seems like redemption is not attainable. It is sis, dont stop believing. Keep going even on day you dont feel like it and especially when those days outnumber the days you actually feel like it.

I had stopped blogging for a while because I felt like the hurt of those memories were done with once the trach came out. What else was there to say?

But, I asked myself, what good is a testimony, if it only stops when things start getting better.