Trauma.

A word so commonly used, and yet its meaning is refined by each of our own personal experiences. I’ve had a few things trigger me lately when it comes to the traumatic experiences I’ve undergone as a mother. It’s funny because you can look back at how far you have come from where you once stood, and yet in the blink of an eye, a song, a smell, a location or a memory can transport you back to that very moment and it almost feels as if that healing work never took place. A few weeks ago, after giving Hannah a bath, I used a brand new bottle of lotion that grandma had gotten her and it was the same bottle of lotion that we used to lather her up after bathtime at the hospital. The smell took me back to a place, a feeling that truly turned my stomach upside down.

Is that crazy? That lotion could provoke such distress in me?

When do we get to the point where we’re running victory laps and never have to look back at all that was endured?

I took a long hiatus this summer from writing because I was unsure of the tone I was setting in this space and felt somewhere along the lines, I forgot what I was aiming to do. I forgot the purpose of why I began doing this in the first place. See, while I want to encourage those of you who have taken the time to join us along this journey and may very well be walking your own unique experiences, in real-time, it becomes hard to always walk out in that same motivating and positive perspective. I don’t always see the glass half full, there are days in the week it very much still feels half empty. It wasn’t until recently that I realized, that I want nothing more than what I share in this space to be encouraging and uplifting, but I also need it to be as authentic and raw as possible because not every day looks the same. And that’s okay. Aside from dealing with these very new experiences as a mom, I’m also navigating very new experiences as a wife and young woman. As you can imagine, all these roles and facets of who I am can become overwhelming. But in this season, I hope to shed back the layers of these roles and not let them become the sole definition of who I am, but rather a woman of God experiencing life through these lenses.

So, bare with me as I pick up where we left off.